Dreams, Flashbacks and Memories

“You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you've been waiting for to fall into place.”

I had kept this paragraph in a draft here for years, I have no idea where it came from or where it was meant to go. I wanted to write all about dreams just because I keep hearing people say just get him out of your mind and get busy, you know no chat, phone, pictures, letters or any other thing that makes you remember he is or was ever alive and so later on you will not even remember he existed. Well, i sure have done all of it and then what about every time i dream of him all night or when sings come to me and his name pops up everywhere?

So whenever i get to fall sleep and start dreaming of him and the way I wish we were, it just all seems so easy and beautiful. The fact that I think this was the first time I really felt in love with someone and he just slipped out of my life so fast and without a trace is no longer here hurts.

I think what hurts the most is the memories I keep seeing over and over again in my head, how come happy moments last seconds even if took years to make them happen? It just takes so much time to forget someone you loved so much but i know I have to let this beautiful memories go away so that when I remember them, they don't hurt as much.

Wishes of him and I together keep hunting me with flashbacks of him laying down in my bed and the desire of the plans we made being real.

After all:

“If you can't, you must. If you must, you can.”