Unbelievable

This is definitely the only word I need to say right now, well Speechless seems more like it but I am going to stick with Unbelievable. I can't quite understand people lately, I am so tired and frustrated with all the pressure they put on my shoulders and how invasive they have become just shocks me. I just think that this is certainly my fault since I try so hard to make people happy I always end up giving them too much and then they feel like they have rights.

Rights; let's talk about that! How can people think they have the ability to manage my time and they can ask inappropriate questions and be rude just because I am such a good friend an give the best of myself.

After a weekend of incredible guilt I have now realize it's my fault for giving them so much trust and letting them into my life, I must now draw a line and point where MY life, privacy and rights are to myself. I have to make my "friends" understand that even though I love then to death and I am there for them, I got things of my own and most of all I OWN myself. I can't believe I even feel like I owe them! Shocking, all I have to say is...I am happy My Resolutions for this year are getting done and I will go back to focusing on MYSELF!

I have a car!!!! Not exactly a brand new car, but that's coming! I have too much to worry for already to go and get upset 'cause of other people, No Way. I now get it this is the message I was to get...Hello Kathy!! You gotta get back to You! They will have to work it out and you will have to make it on your own as always.


Ps: Doug I Miss YOU! You were one of those friends that are there for support but are not invasive...I miss you!

Finally

Working on forgetting helps you to never finally forget, working on moving on gets you so busy you eventually just forget. Here I am, not the me you knew OH!! NO!! The me I didn't even know, I have been able to get over the feeling, the curse has unleashed and I am free to live yet again amid the craziness of this never ending story.

September was to become a nightmare but people has saved my soul and I have saved my own life; The One (who no longer is anything closer to that), has come back to my life in such time where I realized I no longer feel a bit of love for him and as I read "Hate is a feeling directly link to love yet indifference has the ability to kill". I felt indifferent to his suffering and his sadness, I still feel some remains of love in the deepest, darkest places of my heart but now I just can't love him anymore. I have decided to be his friend and I will "Be there" as much as possible, I will do as much as I can to make his life easier.

Not that he deserves any of it, this is the way I feel because I fell and I fell way to hard.

The Purpose of My Existance

It has been quite a while since I woke up and got ready with the thought of making myself look amazing every day for someone else to see me. The purpose of doing something gives you the ability to to feel better about yourself each and every day.

Things have change a lot; I feel happier, fuller and energized. I know myself better and I have a better idea of where I want to go and where I will exploit and give the best of myself to make others happy.

I want to write, I want to focus on exploiting my abilities on being all that I want to be and prioritizing what matters the most to me...

I am on an emotional roller coaster that it's and will always be endless.

Living it up!

Here it goes

I haven't been escaping, not that I don't actually wish to be able to scape because I most certainly do. I just have been through so much (I am always going trough so much) I want to understand, I know I won't get there. My heart is not going crazy, it has shut down and I don't want to feel nothing for nobody anymore.

Doug tell me how much time, how many nights? How many stars gotta fly by my window and how many times do I have to tell myself that it isn't worth it. I just keep my memories away and try to convince myself that sometime it will be over, that I won't dream of us, that I don't secretly wish for us...the us that could never be, the us that never was, the us that will probably never come to be.

InsPirEd.............................

I haven't wrote lately, I know that.
I have been feeling....a lot.

It's always about the way you feel; sometimes it's easier to write because some things make you write but there are other times where regardless of what you are living you can not find the words or inspiration to write anything at all. I have the ability to write but not enough inspiration at the time, there must be a quite special person or thing that helps me overcome the lack of words. It may also be that there is so much to say and not much time and not enough to write on.