I was sitting there @ 11:53am waiting for Daddy to arrive from Halifax. I never thought such solitude will take me rigth back to the start, but there I was and I somehow flew back to the person I once wanted so bad to be...
I am getting back to school next wednesday; going to Wheable G.A and please don't take me wrong it is not that I do not want to go to school or that I do not know how important it is to do it but once again I thought how fast I am getting trapped in a life I never wanted for myself. I am getting my credits done to get into Business Marketing Administration @ Fanshawe in January sponsored by the hateful hours that I worked at Helliance (Doug they did pay me EI and now MTCU...don't get happy for my luck...since it is not the luck I waited for).
It's Fall, not only the cold that is rapidly increasing and the snow that is yet to fall next Monday, the actual season sums up for how I am feeling inside. I am starting to freeze up and I fear I might be stuck there for a while which might become the worst of times to ever experience. I think I need to run away and I know it's possible and I also am very certain I can't do it.
I remembered how much I wanted to travel and how much I loved the idea of learning French, graduate in Flight Attending and going into that for some years. Now I am getting into Business beacause it is a profitable career that will get me a "JOB" once am done and then I will never have to take EI again. Wait what about my dreams? myself? My life? My Heart? My soul? did I say My DrEaMs??????
Here I am once again screwing my life guided by the people who really know what I should do and how I should do it.
On the other hand: I might just once Again BE.....guess what?
IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whether it will last or not and if it is for real ...I can't answer that right now or ever. I am just feeling something bigger and better. If you wonder about "The One" well no worries I am forever cured by his own amazing attitude...now he is only "The One That Could Have Been" just like in Friends:
After Rachel finds our that Barry (her ex-fiancé) & Mindy (her ex-best friend) were getting divorced, the friends imagine what life would be like if: *Ross was still married to Carol, *Rachel had married Barry. *Phoebe had taken a job offer at 'Meryl Lynch' *Chandler had quit his job & wrote stories for 'The Newyorker'. *Joey was still on 'Days of our lives' & *Monica was still fat. ... Written by Phoebe_Friends_Fan
The Group of 6 imagine what could have been, if something in their lives had been different. For Ross, it's if he hadn't realized Carol was a lesbian, if Monica was still fat, if Rachel had married Barry, if Chandler had decided to be a comic, and if Joey was still on Days of our Lives.
I am getting back to school next wednesday; going to Wheable G.A and please don't take me wrong it is not that I do not want to go to school or that I do not know how important it is to do it but once again I thought how fast I am getting trapped in a life I never wanted for myself. I am getting my credits done to get into Business Marketing Administration @ Fanshawe in January sponsored by the hateful hours that I worked at Helliance (Doug they did pay me EI and now MTCU...don't get happy for my luck...since it is not the luck I waited for).
It's Fall, not only the cold that is rapidly increasing and the snow that is yet to fall next Monday, the actual season sums up for how I am feeling inside. I am starting to freeze up and I fear I might be stuck there for a while which might become the worst of times to ever experience. I think I need to run away and I know it's possible and I also am very certain I can't do it.
I remembered how much I wanted to travel and how much I loved the idea of learning French, graduate in Flight Attending and going into that for some years. Now I am getting into Business beacause it is a profitable career that will get me a "JOB" once am done and then I will never have to take EI again. Wait what about my dreams? myself? My life? My Heart? My soul? did I say My DrEaMs??????
Here I am once again screwing my life guided by the people who really know what I should do and how I should do it.
On the other hand: I might just once Again BE.....guess what?
IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whether it will last or not and if it is for real ...I can't answer that right now or ever. I am just feeling something bigger and better. If you wonder about "The One" well no worries I am forever cured by his own amazing attitude...now he is only "The One That Could Have Been" just like in Friends:
After Rachel finds our that Barry (her ex-fiancé) & Mindy (her ex-best friend) were getting divorced, the friends imagine what life would be like if: *Ross was still married to Carol, *Rachel had married Barry. *Phoebe had taken a job offer at 'Meryl Lynch' *Chandler had quit his job & wrote stories for 'The Newyorker'. *Joey was still on 'Days of our lives' & *Monica was still fat. ... Written by Phoebe_Friends_Fan
The Group of 6 imagine what could have been, if something in their lives had been different. For Ross, it's if he hadn't realized Carol was a lesbian, if Monica was still fat, if Rachel had married Barry, if Chandler had decided to be a comic, and if Joey was still on Days of our Lives.
So, there it is I posted the hardest thing I have ever written, the very truth about my life, the life I have never choosen for myself, the life I don't want to live, the life I am living.
0 comments:
Post a Comment